The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He called his prostate his "boner button".
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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