We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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