It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
