Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
