I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
