OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
