Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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