just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
