On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
