Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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