is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Randomize
