this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
