There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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