The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I have peed in a lot of sinks
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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