I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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