I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
