if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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