are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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