it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
