I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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