I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
