it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
