I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
