sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
