my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
