I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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