you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
