you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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