I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize