I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
birth control should be required to get into college
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
