I hate all girls vehemently.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize