Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
