We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
