..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
