I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize
