Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
