last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
