What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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