I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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