Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
