my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
