I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
