Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
