I wannas sexs uuuuu
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
