Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
