Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
