We won't sleep together?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
