He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
