I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
