Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
