making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
