dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
