I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
