we're chasing vodka with high fives
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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