don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
