yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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