So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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