Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
