I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
