Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
