I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
