I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
