i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
