His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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