Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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