i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Randomize
