new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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