no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
