We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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