yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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