mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
