he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
