Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
barbara walters just said penis...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
