Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
did i walk over a car last night?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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