are you still at the devil's house?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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