Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
