i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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