dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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