if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
