Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
