don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Every concussion has its silver lining
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
